Lately, my eyes have been open a lot to the struggles other people face. I have spent a lot of my life assuming that I can read people like a book and that I must know everything about their life...whether it was perfect or a complete mess.
Since I spend most of my time around either small children and playdates or at the church, I have the opportunity to meet a whole lot of people, all in different situations and circumstances. To be painfully honest, I have spent 97% of my life wondering what they were thinking about me and my life. But recently, God has really opened my eyes to some things...
Way back in 2008 when I was a new mama who had her world rocked by a pretty traumatic birth and recovery, I had my first wake up call to "you never really know what someone has gone through or is going through right now". For the record, I realize that having the ability to carry children is a huge blessing and I do not take that for granted, but I also don't think I should have to hide what I went through. I would do it a million times over again, but it was tough. I remember people telling me how natural birth is the way to go and how c-sections are just plain evil and thinking, you clearly have no idea what happened in that room. If they would not have taken him by c-section, we both would have died. How am I a bad mother for that? (For the record, I would have loved a natural birth.) And then the breastfeeding comments. Oh the breastfeding comments. One time a stranger came up to me and asked me why I was giving my child formula when I could hire a wet nurse. WHAT???? My story, had she bothered to ask, was that I had a severe infection after delivery and I spent my first 3 weeks as a new mama bed ridden and not able to do any of the things I had dreamed about. And even though I was sicker than I had ever been, I still pumped every 3 hours to attempt to get even an ounce out (and it never happened).
The week I got better, I found out my Mom had breast cancer. Two weeks after that, we found out that my 3 year old niece had brain cancer. They both had surgeries shortly after that and THANK GOD they are okay. When I was in a daze and crying most of the time, I just remember thinking how the heck is the world still acting normal and going on like everything is okay????
And most recently, when we miscarried our third baby, I became even more aware of how you just never know what someone is going through. We lost our baby on a Wednesday and I chose to work that weekend. Some people knew what I was going through and others had no clue. I would have a lot of normal conversations with people and in the back of my head I just kept thinking "if you only knew, right now, at this moment I am losing my baby".
Okay, I realize that was all super depressing and it probably made me sound like I was having a pity party....which, if you know me at all, you know that is not how I roll. My Mom and niece are both in remission which is the most amazing thing, my son and daughter are both beautiful and healthy, and I will meet our third baby (Reese) in Heaven one day. It has just been so heavy on my heart that we really don't know what is going on in someone's life. So when you have to wait a little longer in line because someone can't get their act together, remember that you don't know what challenges they are facing. And when someone seems distance, pray for them. God knows what is going on. And for the love, please do not tell someone she is a bad mother for the way her child came into this world.
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