I'm Turning Into My Mother (and that's okay)

I think the first few years of parenting, you just have to come to grips with the fact that you will have your foot in your mouth. At all times. It is nothing short of pure embarrassment how I was so critical of my parents, siblings, and even friends on their parenting styles. And then I had Brady. We won't even talk about how much worse of a hypocrite I became when I had Ella just 21 months later. I think God did that on purpose. Humility is something I was lacking.

My Mom and Dad always let us sleep with them. At one point, all three of us kids slept in bed with them. Did I mention they had a queen size bed? Yep. When I was pregnant with Brady, I was sure to tell my parents that we would never do that. It was too dangerous and my baby would be able to sleep on his own. Then we spent five weeks sleeping upright on the couch holding Brady. We knew we would have to change something, so we bought the Snugglenest. Cosleeping without actually cosleeping. That worked until he was three months old. Then he slept in his own bed as long as it was in our room. Then at ten months old, he discovered the beauty of a pillowtop mattress. We have not had the bed to ourselves since June 2009. When Ella came along, we tried to keep her in her own bed, but she just would not have it. We were tired enough that we let her in too. And that's how it works for us. I know there are people who are scared of cosleeping, but it is actually the most natural thing for a family. If parents have alcohol or drugs in their system, this will not work, but if you are sober, it has proven to actually help prevent accidents. Will we always sleep like this? Of course not. When the kids are ready, they'll have their own beds. I don't even remember sleeping with my parents because I was on my own by a young age. But I love that they let me. I love that they believed like I do, that an infant should not have to cry it out and figure life out for themselves. God gave us the beautiful gift of babies and He trusted us to love them and hug them when they cry.

My Mom always let us pick out our own outfits. Perhaps it was because it was the 80s and 90s when she had kids, so she did not see any point in trying to help the cause, but I love that she let us. It gave us a sense of independence and pride that we had put our outfit together. No matter how neon it ended up being. I have to say that I do not let Brady just go into his closet and pick out clothes, but it turns out that I am becoming more and more laid back on this. He even wore his tacky Toy Story shoes today when I would have preferred the nice brown ones :)

My Mom always had time for us. The mess could wait. I am extremely organized and OCD and hate it when anything is out of place. I used to tell David that our house should look like a magazine, like no one actually lives here. And then I had a toddler who asks to snuggle and I had a baby who needs to be held when she cries. So our house is so incredibly far from perfect. And that's okay. I should not receive my pride on how my house looks. I receive joy in the smiles on my kids faces as they play and stamp (even our floor this week, but it was washable, phew). And now I finally get why my Mom was okay with cleaning up later.

We moved from our first house when I was around five. I still remember sitting on the couch one night with my Mom. She was letting me sit on her lap and I was snuggling on her, my head under her chin. That's what she had time for. She did not run around the house like a crazy lady, yelling at all of us to make our beds and organize our toys. She just loved us. I remember that night saying that a woman on TV was pretty, but I immediately told my Mom after that that she was much prettier. I never wanted my Mom to doubt that I thought she was the most beautiful person in the world.

So I'm going to go step over laundry that needs to be put away and toys that should be in the playroom and play with my kids. Maybe even have a dance party, unless Brady yells at me for embarrassing him, because that is what moms do. And it's okay that my house is a mess, my Mom was the only one that saw it that way today and to her, that means that I finally get it.